This and That

So, this is likely to be a bit of a hodge-podge of a post.  I wanted to provide an update on the vegetarian diet and stuff, but also wanted to post on some fun, cheap stuff going on in London.

First, the diet.  I’ve settled into being mostly vegetarian, with the occasional piece of seafood.  I actually haven’t found it that difficult.  I can’t say I miss meat all that much.  Its only annoying when I’m going out to eat and I want to find something veggie that doesn’t have too many carbs!  It seems like vegetarian options usually involve rice, bread, or pasta... how annoying!  Hence the fish.  Its a healthy option, and its not like I’m going “vegetarian” for ethical reasons.  I guess this makes me pescatarian? 

Anyways, the low carb, low fat, mostly veggie diet has been working!  Since I’ve gone back to my support group I’ve been weighed on a weekly basis and I’ve lost 2 kg!  Yay!  I’m already feeling so much better about my body, its amazing.  Which is good, because the weather has been amazing.

This weekend was pretty chill for me, but I had a really good time being outdoors in the sunshine.  This is London, when its sunny you have to take advantage of it.  First off, I saw a Banksy!  He recently painted on a wall near the BT Tower, and luckily the art has been preserved with plexiglass (as opposed to being painted over) so we can all enjoy it!  Its on the corners of Cleveland and Clipstone Streets in Fitzrovia.  

On Saturday I went to the South Bank Centre.  They’ve set up a beach along the Thames Path there, so you can have a seat by the river and stick your feet in the sand:

Pardon my vein-y feet.  Photo colors are a bit off, blame the iPhone.

They also have a bunch of bars set up.  Dishoom, an Indian street food restaurant, has set up a pop-up bar there that serves drinks, kulfi (Indian ice cream), and street food snacks.  There is a really cute garden on the top of Queen Elizabeth Hall and they’ve set up a bar there, too.  Then there are the regular bars, like the one at Royal Festival Hall and in front of the BFI.  The area was packed and its a great place to enjoy the sun.

Today I took an 8km walk that was fantastic.  I love walking, especially in London on a nice day.  I walk everywhere if I have the time--most days I walk about 5km from Euston Station to my home near London Bridge.  If I’m going anywhere in Central London--Covent Garden, Soho, Oxford Street, or even the Kensington area (South Ken or Kings Road), I’ll walk.  I happened to be at a friend’s in Earl’s Court today and decided to take a walk home that took advantage of some of London’s parks.  So here’s some of the highlights of the route:

1) Hyde Park
2) Green Park
3) Buckingham Palace
4) St James Park
5) Parliament and Big Ben
6) Westminster Bridge
7) London Eye!
8) Leake St (go here to see the latest graffiti)

Watching Paint Dry

So, I know I haven’t posted anything in awhile.  I actually wonder if anyone’s still reading.  I know that I typically drop reading blogs when the updates become more infrequent.  

Anyways, the cause of my reticence is twofold:

1)  Things have been plain boring lately.  That’s not to say that I haven’t been doing stuff, but is has been fairly routine.  If you were to ask me what I’ve been up to, I’d be at a loss to say more than “the usual.”  Even my dreams are boring!  I usually don’t remember my dreams, but lately I’ve woken up in the middle of them and I remember two:  one about being late for something and one about my fingernails.  Yes, I dreamt about my nails.  Who knows!  Maybe the other nights I’m dreaming about paint drying.  What an exciting life I lead.

2)  I’ve been busy at work.  This is a good thing for the most part... idle hands and all that.  But I was using my downtime to think and sometimes to write for my blog.  So, that time has gone out the window.  And by the time I get home/go to the gym/have dinner its after 9 PM and I don’t really have the energy to share my wisdom with you, my lovely audience.  Thanks for reading, Mom!


Anyways, I do have something to write about today.  As part of my plan to take my life back--ok, that’s an exaggeration... As part of my plan to get my weight under control I started going back to Lighter Life meetings.  Lighter Life is the program that I used to lose my weight over a year ago.  The meetings are weekly and I guess they’re like Weight Watchers meetings or whatever.  But I like going.  Donna, my counselor, is so amazing:  she’s warm and super caring.  We often talk about the psychology of overeating, coping strategies, and nutrition--all of which I find very useful.

In today’s meeting we were talking about having a plan for losing and maintaining weight--what resources, skills, support do we need?  My big thing is that I need to make weight holding into a lifestyle.  And that’s when it dawned on me:  my previous method for maintaining my weight--rigorous calorie counting--was not an effective lifestyle.  It was a way to live, but it was miserable.

When I was calorie counting I took planning to an extreme.  I planned my calorie intake for the entire day, often the night before.  And I also planned my exercise.  There was no room for flexibility.  And it made those times that I did veer off the plan--dinner out, a day when I didn’t go to the gym--into treats.  And these things shouldn’t be treats.  Eating should be about nourishing your body.  It should be tasty and enjoyable.  But its not a treat.  Exercise should be part of an active lifestyle--being lazy on the couch shouldn’t be a treat either.  If I wanted a treat, it should have been something else.  

Anyways, I’ve mentioned before that the eating and weight problems started again when I was feeling sorry for myself when stranded at Christmas.  I was sad, so I treated myself.  With the wrong things.  And that made me fatter, which made me sad, which caused me to treat myself to get that psychological boost.  It was a vicious cycle.  In the words of Fat Bastard:  “I eat because I’m unhappy and I’m unhappy because I eat.”

So, I think that I need to develop a plan that is more flexible so I don't start fetishising food and laziness again.  I need a plan that isn’t about calorie counting.  One where I don’t have to plan everything out in advance.  One that can be easily accommodated in restaurants.  Hence the vegetarianism.  

And I’m going to find new treats.  Not sure what they’ll be, but it seems that my nails are on my mind, so maybe a manicure is a good place to start.

Winter Winds

There’s this song by Mumford and Sons called “Winter Winds” that has really struck a chord with me.  The song is about reconciling head and heart--in this case the head wants love, but the heart doesn’t follow.  Its pretty melancholy but offers hope that spring will heal all wounds with new love.

But that’s not what struck me this evening as I was listening to the song on my walk home.  Its the second verse:

We'll be washed and buried one day my girl

And the time we were given will be left for the world

The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague

So let the memories be good for those who stay

It really reminds me that we’re only on this Earth for a short time, and we need to live life to the fullest.  I shouldn't be embarrassed to put myself out there.  My time will come to an end, so why should I waste one second of it?  

This isn’t a new thought.  I’ve really started to feel this way in the past year when it comes to relationships.  For a while I dated this guy Jacob and I really tried to live by the “life is too short to waste time” mantra.  It was revelatory.  I didn’t play games.  I told him what I wanted.  I felt liberated.  

Prior to that I’d also decided not to waste time with a guy I was interested in and I told him that I liked him.  Sadly he didn’t return the feelings, but I felt good that I had resolution and that I wasn’t wasting time hoping for something that wasn’t going to happen.

Flash forward to the last few months.  That guy who rejected me mentioned that he didn’t remember the conversation we had!  The context of the conversation was about how we should date and I said something along the lines of “you rejected me” and he was like “you never told me you liked me.”  Unfortunately the tone wasn’t serious, so I don’t know how much truth there was to what he said.  While I’m not holding out for him, I still like him a great deal and am curious as to where things could lead.  But now I’m scared!  He rejected me once... I’d feel like a fool to get rejected again because I misinterpreted things.  

I have to say, I’m a bit disappointed in myself.  I’ve let my old habits creep back in.  I’ve let embarrassment and self-preservation instinct hold me back.  I haven’t been as direct as I’d want.  I’m not “taking the bull by the horns.”  

So, I’ve been listening to “Winter Winds” on repeat trying to figure things out.  I don’t have any answers yet.  But the song helps me think.  If you haven’t heard it, its a beautiful song.  

Capital

I think I lack career capital.  Now, I’m not sure if that’s an actual term but it’s one I’ve coined to explain my predicament.  So, what do I mean?

Have you ever heard the term cultural capital?  I don’t remember where I learned it, but I’ve interpreted it as knowledge of how the system works.  So, if you have cultural capital, then you can use your knowledge of the system to your advantage.  I always heard it in the context of students—kids with cultural capital did relatively well in school.  They knew how to study, how to manage their time, which classes to take, how to take tests.  They did all the right things.  They look good on paper. 

I think I probably have cultural capital.  I graduated fourth in my class from high school (out of over 800 kids), I got over 1500 on my SATs, I went to an Ivy League college, I was inducted into Phi Beta Kappa, and I went to a top business school.  All the right things.

So, why am I where I am?  If you look at my educational record you might conclude that I’m fairly bright (does that sound egotistical?), organised, motivated—a high achiever.  So, why haven’t I achieved anything in my working life?

This is where career capital comes in.  Just as how I knew how to navigate the educational system, I have no idea how to navigate employment. 

I think most of my current problems could have been avoided if I understood the mechanics of the employment market when I was looking for my first job.  If I could go back and talk to my 20-year-old self, these are the things I’d impart. 

·         Don’t study Art History unless you really want to be an art historian!  Suck it up and study Engineering, Econonimcs or Business or something.

·         Work for a company with good name recognition; it doesn’t matter what you do as long as the name is prestigious.  That will open a lot of doors.

·         Join a graduate program.  This will get you a lot of exposure and help you find where your interest lies. 

I think that these points sound cynical.  And it’s not as much fun as what I did.  But I’m pretty sure that if I’d followed this path I’d be in a different place career-wise than I am today.  I am surprised my dad didn’t tell me these things when I was looking for a job.  Perhaps he was thrown off by my Art History degree (he studied Econ in university). 

He also always said it didn’t matter so much what you studied in college; that I could always go back for a master’s.  That’s probably mostly true.  In a way I had the rich-kid blessing/curse.  My parents could afford to send me to college without a scholarship and I didn’t need to study something pre-professional to enter the business world and pay back loans.  So I studied what I love (art and culture) even though I learned early on that I didn’t have the appetite for the amount of schooling it would require to have a career I didn’t want in those fields (I determined early on that I wasn’t going to like being an Art Historian or Anthropologist/Archaeologist).  I was a bit lost when I left college, as I couldn’t see how my studies would translate into gainful employment.  I ended up at a boutique consultancy, which as a crash-course in the business world.  And, like my dad said, I eventually went back for a Master’s to round out my business acumen and boost my resume. 

But the b-school experience has done little to help me build a new career.  Reading between the lines of job postings, interviews, acceptances, and rejections I’ve come to the conclusion that those first few years of employment count for almost everything.  They shape the opportunities that you can have and what you can’t.  It’s all superficial.  While I could do most of the jobs I’ve applied for, I haven’t gotten them because I didn’t have the “right” industry experience, the “right” work experience, the “right” company names on my CV, etc.  Post-college, I haven’t done any of it “right.”

Now, some of it is the career capital problem.  But I do share the blame.  Another part of my problem is that I don’t have a clear direction.  I’m interested in so many things that I find it hard to choose.  And I’m a commitment-phobe—I don’t want to go whole-hog into one career because I fear that I’ll hate it or tire of it and be unable to transition to another field.  So, I walk the tightrope.  I dabble in this and that, gain a smattering of experience, but nothing really builds. 

And then there’s the whole networking thing.  I hate it.  I feel really awkward asking people for help in finding jobs.  I’m not good at selling myself.  My lack of self-confidence really shows through.  The self-confidence I don’t have because I know I haven’t done it all “right.”

Veggie Day 3

So, today is day number three of being a vegetarian.  So far, so good.  I haven’t really been craving any meat, and I haven’t been feeling massively hungry either.  I’m not sick of salad yet, though I’m sure that will come.  So far, my diet looks like:

Breakfast:  Fruit smoothie and decaf coffee(s)

Lunch:  Salad and tomatoes to snack on

Snack:  Miso soup or tea with milk

Dinner:  Cooked vegetables (broccoli, asparagus, mushrooms), stuffed peppers, salad, soup (tomato, vegetable, carrot & coriander, broccoli & cheddar, etc.)

Yesterday I had an adventure at the grocery store.  I don’t want to get sick of vegetables, so I went in search of vegetarian foods.  I bought vegetarian sausages and burger patties.  My local shops don’t carry tofu (grr!) but I was able to find some pre-marinated and sliced tofu that I can put in stir-fry.  I also bought a bunch of quorn.  I was introduced to quorn after I finished my Lighter Life diet—it’s pretty unappealing on its own but if you mix it with tomato sauce and spices its actually pretty tasty!  I haven’t opened any of my new foods yet, but I plan to give them a shot over the weekend.  Food experiments—my favourite!

Catching Up

So, things have been really busy lately.  We’ve had two four-day weekends in a row.  The first long weekend, I went to Dublin.  This past weekend, I was in New York.  So, no blogging for me.  That said, I’ve stored up some good topics so look for some writing to be coming in the next few days... probably after I get over my jetlag.

So, the new diet starts tomorrow.  The plan is to do mainly vegetarian diet with the occasional lean fish or chicken dish to add protein and keep me healthy.  One of my main concerns with going vegetarian is that I will end up eating a ton of bread and pasta.  I don’t want to go down that path, as with my PCOS I think eating high GI foods will mess up my insulin levels and I likely won’t lose any weight.  So, I’m planning to eat more hearty vegetables like mushrooms and to have more soups and broths to manage my hunger.  My other concern is that I’ll eat more cheese on this diet.  I want this diet to be both low-carb and low-fat, so I’m just not stocking it in my fridge.  With this in mind, I’m not going to calorie count this time around.  It gets really old really fast.  I don’t want to calorie count my whole life, so I need to learn to listen to my body and make good decisions without a food log in front of me.  I’ll post about the new diet once it gets underway--wish me luck!