Watching Paint Dry

So, I know I haven’t posted anything in awhile.  I actually wonder if anyone’s still reading.  I know that I typically drop reading blogs when the updates become more infrequent.  

Anyways, the cause of my reticence is twofold:

1)  Things have been plain boring lately.  That’s not to say that I haven’t been doing stuff, but is has been fairly routine.  If you were to ask me what I’ve been up to, I’d be at a loss to say more than “the usual.”  Even my dreams are boring!  I usually don’t remember my dreams, but lately I’ve woken up in the middle of them and I remember two:  one about being late for something and one about my fingernails.  Yes, I dreamt about my nails.  Who knows!  Maybe the other nights I’m dreaming about paint drying.  What an exciting life I lead.

2)  I’ve been busy at work.  This is a good thing for the most part... idle hands and all that.  But I was using my downtime to think and sometimes to write for my blog.  So, that time has gone out the window.  And by the time I get home/go to the gym/have dinner its after 9 PM and I don’t really have the energy to share my wisdom with you, my lovely audience.  Thanks for reading, Mom!


Anyways, I do have something to write about today.  As part of my plan to take my life back--ok, that’s an exaggeration... As part of my plan to get my weight under control I started going back to Lighter Life meetings.  Lighter Life is the program that I used to lose my weight over a year ago.  The meetings are weekly and I guess they’re like Weight Watchers meetings or whatever.  But I like going.  Donna, my counselor, is so amazing:  she’s warm and super caring.  We often talk about the psychology of overeating, coping strategies, and nutrition--all of which I find very useful.

In today’s meeting we were talking about having a plan for losing and maintaining weight--what resources, skills, support do we need?  My big thing is that I need to make weight holding into a lifestyle.  And that’s when it dawned on me:  my previous method for maintaining my weight--rigorous calorie counting--was not an effective lifestyle.  It was a way to live, but it was miserable.

When I was calorie counting I took planning to an extreme.  I planned my calorie intake for the entire day, often the night before.  And I also planned my exercise.  There was no room for flexibility.  And it made those times that I did veer off the plan--dinner out, a day when I didn’t go to the gym--into treats.  And these things shouldn’t be treats.  Eating should be about nourishing your body.  It should be tasty and enjoyable.  But its not a treat.  Exercise should be part of an active lifestyle--being lazy on the couch shouldn’t be a treat either.  If I wanted a treat, it should have been something else.  

Anyways, I’ve mentioned before that the eating and weight problems started again when I was feeling sorry for myself when stranded at Christmas.  I was sad, so I treated myself.  With the wrong things.  And that made me fatter, which made me sad, which caused me to treat myself to get that psychological boost.  It was a vicious cycle.  In the words of Fat Bastard:  “I eat because I’m unhappy and I’m unhappy because I eat.”

So, I think that I need to develop a plan that is more flexible so I don't start fetishising food and laziness again.  I need a plan that isn’t about calorie counting.  One where I don’t have to plan everything out in advance.  One that can be easily accommodated in restaurants.  Hence the vegetarianism.  

And I’m going to find new treats.  Not sure what they’ll be, but it seems that my nails are on my mind, so maybe a manicure is a good place to start.