Winter Winds

There’s this song by Mumford and Sons called “Winter Winds” that has really struck a chord with me.  The song is about reconciling head and heart--in this case the head wants love, but the heart doesn’t follow.  Its pretty melancholy but offers hope that spring will heal all wounds with new love.

But that’s not what struck me this evening as I was listening to the song on my walk home.  Its the second verse:

We'll be washed and buried one day my girl

And the time we were given will be left for the world

The flesh that lived and loved will be eaten by plague

So let the memories be good for those who stay

It really reminds me that we’re only on this Earth for a short time, and we need to live life to the fullest.  I shouldn't be embarrassed to put myself out there.  My time will come to an end, so why should I waste one second of it?  

This isn’t a new thought.  I’ve really started to feel this way in the past year when it comes to relationships.  For a while I dated this guy Jacob and I really tried to live by the “life is too short to waste time” mantra.  It was revelatory.  I didn’t play games.  I told him what I wanted.  I felt liberated.  

Prior to that I’d also decided not to waste time with a guy I was interested in and I told him that I liked him.  Sadly he didn’t return the feelings, but I felt good that I had resolution and that I wasn’t wasting time hoping for something that wasn’t going to happen.

Flash forward to the last few months.  That guy who rejected me mentioned that he didn’t remember the conversation we had!  The context of the conversation was about how we should date and I said something along the lines of “you rejected me” and he was like “you never told me you liked me.”  Unfortunately the tone wasn’t serious, so I don’t know how much truth there was to what he said.  While I’m not holding out for him, I still like him a great deal and am curious as to where things could lead.  But now I’m scared!  He rejected me once... I’d feel like a fool to get rejected again because I misinterpreted things.  

I have to say, I’m a bit disappointed in myself.  I’ve let my old habits creep back in.  I’ve let embarrassment and self-preservation instinct hold me back.  I haven’t been as direct as I’d want.  I’m not “taking the bull by the horns.”  

So, I’ve been listening to “Winter Winds” on repeat trying to figure things out.  I don’t have any answers yet.  But the song helps me think.  If you haven’t heard it, its a beautiful song.