SATC

When did 90% of the posts on this blog become about relationships (or lack thereof)?  I swear, I might was well rename myself Carrie Bradshaw.  Speaking of Sex and the City, I had a conversation yesterday about the “He’s just not that into you” episode.  If you’re not familiar with the episode, you might have been introduced to the concept by the epynomous movie released last year starring half of Hollywood.  Anyways, the idea is that women shouldn’t read into a guy’s actions to determine his level of interest--if its not painfully obvious that he’s interested, then he’s just not that into you.

The way this came up in my conversation was that my friend and I were discussing why women hold out for men who aren’t relationship-minded, at least not with them.  I had been bitching about how every guy I meet either wants to be “just friends” (ouch!) or “friends with benefits.”  At this point, I’m not looking for either of these situations, and I’m getting frustrated.  My friend was lamenting a past relationship where the guy couldn’t decide if he wanted to be in a romantic relationship or just friends and it was giving her whiplash.  

We concluded that all these cases were examples of “he’s just not that into you.”  We know this.  Yet we hold on.  Almost every woman I know who is single or in an unhappy relationship has, in the back of her head, that guy.  He’s the one who would be perfect for us if he wasn’t so stupid that he can’t see it.  He’s just not that into us.  But a little piece of us is holding out, waiting for him to come to his senses.  

And we keep holding on, despite our reason and to the detriment of our sanity and happiness.  Why do we do it?  I guess hope springs eternal.  And the romantic comedies and novels that we read give us reasons to hope.  They give us all sorts of scenarios where girl meets boy, boy is not into girl, *something happens*, boy pursues girl, happily ever after.  Often the “something” that happens is completely with the girl’s control, which makes us think that we can will a relationship with our impossible guy into being.  If only I did x, he would fall in love with me. Or, the guy goes through a major transformation (often he grows up).

I’m about to name some horrible movie examples (in no particular order)--please don’t judge me too harshly for having seen these.  

-Sabrina:  Audrey Hepburn or Julia Ormond goes to France, gets a makeover, attracts two wealthy brothers
-She’s All That:  Homely girl with hidden passion and intelligence is secretly a stunner capable of winning over the Homecoming King
-Made of Honor:  Playboy with lovely female best friend doesn’t realize her attractiveness until she gets engaged--a lesson in wanting what we can’t have
-Pretty Woman:  Hooker with a heart of gold finally nabs millionaire when he gets over his relationship and daddy issues
-Life as We Know It:  Actual child forces overgrown man-child into adulthood and commitment to Katherine Heigl
-Miss Congeniality:  Butch FBI agent becomes a beauty queen, winning over Benjamin Bratt
-Some Kind of Wonderful:  Guy from wrong side of the tracks likes rich girl, tries to get with her but class tensions ensue.  He realizes the trouble ain’t worth it because he really loves his best friend
-Two Weeks Notice:  Boss sees employee as a person, loves her for being clumsy (and for looking like Sandra Bullock)
-Sixteen Candles:  Most popular boy in school ditches barbie girlfriend for homely redhead because he wants something “real”
-He’s Just Not That Into You:  The Mac-guy/Ginnifer Goodwin storyline.  

This brings us full circle.  A whole movie about busting the myth that a woman should hold out hope that one day he’ll love her because it happened to someone’s friend’s cousin’s sister’s daughter actually perpuates said myth through its own storytelling.  Bam!