Sexting

So, I had an interesting experience on Saturday night.  A couple of weeks ago I ran into a guy I’ve sort of known for a while but am not really friends with.  Anyways, we got to talking and I ended up giving him my number.  For the last few weeks we’ve been texting--pretty innocuous stuff, flirty messages, etc.  Anyways, so I was out on Saturday night and he texts me.  I tell him where I am and say he should come over, and he does.  So far so good.  But, then he disappears!  He sends me a text telling me he’ll be back, and then nothing.  The following is a transcript of what transpired.  The italics are my thoughts and commentary.

Twenty minutes later:

Him:  How about you swing by my place?

Unlikely since I don’t know you that well, but I’m curious.  

Me:  Where’s that?
Him:  [Address redacted]  You can stay over night :-)
Me:  Where are you right now?  
Him:  On my way home.  There in 10 mins or so.  

WTF?!?!?!  He was at the club for 10 minutes before he disappeared saying he’d be back.  Clearly he’s not coming back.  Shady!

Me:  You ditched me!

Asshole.

Him:  Relax, btw.  I’m a good guy.

Clearly not if you ditched me and are now booty calling me.  If you have to say you’re a good guy, you’re not.

Him:  What do you mean?
Him:  Again, relax.  Judge by how you feel right now irrespective what happened before:  wanna come by?  If yes then come.  It’s that simple.  

Don’t tell me to relax!  I wasn’t not relaxed, but you’re sure starting to piss me off.  And what kind of line is this?  You have got to be kidding me.

Me:  I’m undecided.  Not sure about chasing you around London
Me:  I’ve gotten into trouble this way before

No, I’m not coming over to your place.  I’m trying to be polite.  I’m giving you an opportunity for redemption.  And I’m lazy.  I own a vibrator.  I have batteries.  Frankly, that would probably be more satisfying than some random hookup.

Him:  How.  Fell in love or did the guy treat you badly?
Me:  Second thing.
Him:  Won’t happen with me.  I’m nice.  But no relationship stuff with me-just out of one :-)

Why is there a smiley face?  Man, this is a great sales pitch.  If I wasn’t convinced before, I sure am now.  Get me a taxi this instant!  *Eye roll*

Him:  Silence...:-)

Damn right, cuz I didn’t write back!  That’s how these things work.  

Me:  :-/
Him:  You got too sober, hm?

That might be the creepiest thing I’ve ever read.  

Me:  I don’t need to be drunk to figure this out.  I’m just lazy.  

And really turned-off.

Him:  Come.  Life is short.

Oh, you want to play it that way?  Fine, I’m going to turn the tables.  

Me:  You come to my place then
Him:  Where do you live?  
Him:  Live by yourself?
Me:  One flatmate.
Him:  Come oooon.  I live by myself.
Him:  Won’t be up much longer...:-)

Perfect, because I’m already on my way home.  And I don’t respond well to ultimatums. See ya.