Day 31 - End of Experiment

Mood:  Happy
Jeans:  Fat jeans
Belt notch:  4th/5th notch in

Today is the last day of the experiment.  Oh, how time flies.  I have to say, the cravings for carbs and sweets have stopped almost completely.  Today I wanted to devour a chocolate bar, but it had nothing to do with cravings and more to do with me feeling sorry for myself.  And my hunger is much more in check.  And, this was probably the least stressful month that I’ve had food-wise since I started watching my weight.  I love the freedom from calorie counting!  I don’t have to feel guilty when I can’t make it to the gym.  I can be more spontaneous in my food choices.  I don’t feel burdened.  Its pretty amazing.  So, I’m sticking with this a little while longer.  This is a nice little break for me--I haven’t lost any weight, but it doesn’t seem that I’ve gained weight either.  

And I’m really looking forward to no longer recording all my food intake.  With that, here’s my last meal entry:

Food	Carbs (g)	Fat (g)	Calories	Protein
Scrambled eggs	trace	15.2	206
Chicken caesar	5.2	23.3	532	67.5
Halloumi	0.5	13.3	168	11
1/2 roasted red pepper	5.0	0.3	26	0.8
Red wine	3.0	0	125	0
Lamb	1.0	6.4	192	32.8
Brussels sprouts	8.2	2.8	80	7

 

Day 30

I suck at dating.  Its hard to pinpoint exactly what I suck at because I think I suck at everything in the dating process.  I suck at meeting people.  I suck at flirting.  I suck at signaling interest.  I suck at finding a guy which whom I have chemistry.  I suck at letting people in.  I suck at displaying my affection.  I suck at being sexy.  Its no wonder I’m still single.  

Let’s talk about the aspect of dating that I’ve found the most frustrating:  chemistry.  A while ago I tried Internet dating.  I signed up for eHarmony and started chatting with my matches online.  Amazingly, some of these conversations actually led to real-life dates!  Alas, I never got past two dates with any of them.  They were all nice enough guys, and in theory we were compatible because eHarmony told us so.  All of the first dates went well enough to lead to a second.  But after we got all the nervousness and polite discussions of our backgrounds out of the way it became clear that all these men felt less like a boyfriend and more like a brother.  

So, then I tried meeting people out.  You know, friends of friends, guys in bars, etc.  The only problem is that I’m not good at this.  The only time I seem to pull a guy is when I’m fairly drunk.  This leads to me making out with him and possibly giving him my number.  The odds aren’t good that we’re ever going to go on an actual date.  Recently there was one guy I met in this fashion that I did date, but sadly the drunk kissing was better than the not-drunk kissing, and I just couldn’t get excited about him.  

I guess I’m looking for something in the kiss.  Some spark that pulls me out of my indifference.  I know I’ve felt it before.  Unfortunately, I mostly feel it with assholes.  I can definitely be self-destructive when it comes to being attracted to guys--my “type” is emotionally unavailable and commitment phobic.  

My flatmate sent me this funny link about why men and women can’t be friends.  It breaks down what the author thinks determines attraction and so forth.  If you’re looking for something to read so you can procrastinate on whatever you’re supposed to be doing... enjoy!    http://www.laddertheory.com

Mood:  Still sore!
Jeans:  Fat jeans
Belt notch:  4th notch in

Food	Carbs (g)	Fat (g)	Calories	Protein
Scrambled eggs	trace	15.2	206
M&S large salad	7.6	1	70	3.4
Bresaola	0.4	5.6	146.3	23.3
Prosciutto	0.0	12	196	22.4
Billtong	0.0	?	155	?
Pork	0.0	11	370	38
Spinach	3.0	0.8	29	2.5
Asparagus tips	2	0.6	25	2.9

 

Day 29

I have three tattoos and will probably get more.  I love them, and I’m quite proud of them.  For the most part I’ve tried to be discreet in the size and placement of my tattoos.  I have a small one on my wrist, but that’s the only one that’s visible in my everyday clothes.  I have another on my lower back and my third is on my ribcage.  My rule of thumb is to ask myself if the tattoo will make me look trashy in formal clothes.  So, no tattoos on the bicep or ankles/feet.  Also no tattoos on the upper back.  I would love to get a tattoo on the back of my neck, but I wear my hair short and I fear it may limit my employment options.  So, for now I’m sticking to three.  Though I am toying with the idea of getting a small one on the inside of my arm.  

Why am I writing about my tattoos?  There’s this funny thing that happens when you have a tattoo that other people can see--they have to comment on it.  I imagine this is similar to pregnant women feeling beleaguered by people who want to touch their bellies or offer pregnancy advice.  Now, often I get compliments on my tattoos, so the comments aren’t usually unwelcome.  But there is a subset of people who just seem to lose all tact and courtesy when a tattoo is in front of them.  These are the people who tell me that they hate tattoos and think they’re trashy or awful or stupid.  Great. What am I supposed to do with that information? Do they expect me to run to the nearest laser removal clinic?

Some ask me how I’m going to feel about my tattoos when I’m 80.  They ask in a way that implies that they think old people with tattoos is gross.  By that time my tattoos will be faded, but they’ll serve as great memories from when I was young.  Why wouldn’t I want these reminders?

I have never ever cared what someone has thought about my about my tattoos.  In general I’m not the touchiest of people, and I’m certainly not a people pleaser.  I care about the opinions of people who I like and esteem, but otherwise I’m generally not bothered.  But with my tattoos its even more pronounced.  I used to think of it as escalation of commitment.  They’re painful to get and pretty permanent, so you better damn well love them.  They are so personal, they’re so mine, that I don’t care what anyone says.  Full stop.  

Mood:  Sore and sleepy
Jeans:  Fat jeans
Belt notch:  4th notch in

Food	Carbs (g)	Fat (g)	Calories	Protein
Scrambled eggs	trace	15.2	206
Nandos half chicken	3.2	15.6	352.6	49.9
Nandos mixed leaf salad	3	0.5	20	1
Billtong	0	?	155	?
Salad	2.3	0.6	21	1.4
Red wine	3	0	125	0
Tuna steak	0.3	2.5	340	78.8
Broccoli	6.4	0.4	62	8.8

Day 28

I can't believe it, but the month is almost over.  Like I said before, I'm going to try sticking with the diet a bit longer, but focusing more on eating lower-fat meats and not binge eating (especially cheese!).  I think that if I do that, I might actually lose a few kilos.  I notice that I eat a bunch more over the weekends when I'm more idle and I can definitely tell in my hands, as my rings get much tighter on my fingers.  However, after just a few days during the work week, when I'm eating more normally, it goes back to normal.  Some of it is probably water retention, but I don't think completely.  

The clocks went forward yesterday and I was up all night reading on top of another late night, so I'm too tired to create a thoughtful post today.  On top of everything, Blogger is now blocked at my workplace, so its harder for me to update during the day.  Nevertheless, I'll try to put together at least one more post before the end of this experiment.  

Mood:  Sleepy
Jeans:  Fat jeans
Belt notch:  4th notch in

Food	Carbs (g)	Fat (g)	Calories	Protein
Scrambled eggs	trace	15.2	206
Chicken caesar	5.2	23.3	532	67.5
Billtong	0.0	?	155	?
Grilled chicken	3.0	14	243	24.9
Sautéed mushrooms, onion, bacon	2.2	7.0	122.0	12.7

 

Day 25

Fun fact #284:  I don’t take kindly to missionaries.  You might think that this is a weird stance to take.  Ostensibly they’re out to do good in the world, to spread the Word.  What have they ever done to me?  My answer has two parts:
1.  I think it is arrogant, presumptuous and culturally imperialistic
2.  I think they’re really in it for money and power

Point one.  In general I have a problem with proselytizing.  I once had a woman come up to me in the DC Metro and ask me if I’d accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Saviour.  That’s none of her Goddamn business.  She doesn’t know me.  I wasn’t wearing a sign around my neck saying “talk to me about Jesus.”  It was intrusive and unwelcome.   I have some friends who are very devout Christians.  If I want to talk about religion, I’d approach them.  And if they approached me about it, at least it would be better because there’s context and familiarity there.  They know me, this other woman didn’t.  

So, while proselytizing bugs me, proselytizing to people of other cultures (especially in developing countries) really pisses me off. I’ve been lucky enough to do quite a bit of travel and I’ve made it to a few developing countries.  While there, I’ve observed missionaries.  Most of them are over for a few weeks or months from their church.  A lot of them are young.  So, they’re not invested or immersed in the community that they hope to convert.  They want to “witness,” convert a few fools so they feel good about themselves, and then leave.  In no measurable way have they made their converts’ lives any better.

And from what I’ve seen, they really don’t know much about the culture that they’re in.  They think that they’re right about the meaning of life and what happens after death--that they have the answers, and its their job to “enlighten” the stupid, poor foreigners.  Its so paternalistic.  Do they really think that a story of a man that is actually three people who was conceived by a virgin, who died and rose from the dead and performed miracles sounds any more plausible than the native faith?

Point two.  There has to be an ulterior motive.  The amount of money and resources that goes into missionaries spreading the Word is just too much for Church authorities to be doing this out of the goodness in their hearts.  Look at the history of the Church.  Its been land-grabbing, wealth-amassing, and political since it began.  I think its about wealth and power.  Growing the number of believers across the globe provides the necessary base to influence governments to enact laws favorable to the Church agenda.  It also creates networks and a local base of ready and waiting consumers and clients that can help religion-aligned businesses enter new markets. And it helps fill church coffers as its members tithe.  

OK, end of rant.  

Moving on, I thought I’d give you a more detailed progress update on my diet.  I guess the headline should read that I’m going to keep doing it after March is over.  I don’t think I’ve lost any weight on the diet, but I don’t think I’ve gained any weight either.  That’s pretty remarkable given that I’ve been eating a lot of saucisson seche.  I figure that if I eat some more healthy meats and watch my portion sizes, I can actually lose wight while still feeling full.  And that’s such a nice idea, because I am sick to death of counting calories and meticulously planning my days.  And I enjoy having a glass of wine with dinner--something I can do on this diet that I couldn’t do before.  So, I’m going to stick with it and see where I end up in another month.  

Mood:  Cheery
Jeans:  Fat jeans
Belt notch:  4th/5th notch in

Food	Carbs (g)	Fat (g)	Calories	Protein
Scrambled eggs	trace	15.2	206
Pastrami and cheese rolls	1.5	37.9	535	45.7
Waitrose Italian side salad	5.8	5.8	83	1.9
Sparkling wine x 5	10.5	0	570	0
Whiskey	0.0	0	65	0
Garden salad with chicken	10.5	9.8	242	5.1

 

Day 24

It is a human trait to try to organise the world by categorizing things.  We all do it.  For some reason, I think its really fun.  In particular, I like to categorize people.  It must be my anthropology background.  Or maybe its because I love to people watch.  Or maybe its my way of compensating for being so bad at understanding people--I create heuristics to help guide my interactions with them.

Anyways, I thought today I’d discuss one of the classes of people that I’ve identified:  the hollow person.

The hollow person is someone who lacks a core--there’s no sense of what they care about or what they stand for.  The chief aim of this person’s life is to be one of the cool people.  But they’re not intrinsically cool.  So they steal.  They fill their empty core with transitory fads and the thoughts and opinions of others.  At a party, they’re the person hanging back watching everyone, cataloging their actions, interactions, and conversations to peddle later either as gossip or as their own thoughts and feelings.  They’re monitoring shifiting tides to see who the latest member of the cool set is to whom they should be ingratiating themselves and who is on their way out that they should drop.  The hollow person only likes you as much as you’re useful to them in seeming cool.

As you can probably guess, I do not trust hollow people.  First of all, they are giant gossips.  But more importantly, you can’t trust someone who doesn’t stand for anything.  There’s no belief structure guiding their morals and behaviour.  If their driving force in life is coolness, its only a matter of time before they screw you over in their pursuit of their goal.  

I’m a pretty open person--I like to say that I’m an “over-sharer.”  My whole family comprises over-sharers.  You want to know something about me?  Or what I think?  I’ll probably tell you.  And I’ll probably tell you more than you want to know.  And I ought to be more discriminating about who I share with, but I’m not.  But I do watch myself around hollow people.  If I’m going to over-share, I want to feel like its going into safe hands.  I want to feel like there’s a possibility for mutual exchange, either in that conversation or sometime in the future.  But there can be no exchange with a hollow person; they have nothing of their own to share.  And who knows for what nefarious purposes the hollow person will use my words.  


Mood:  Its sunny out!
Jeans:  Fat jeans
Belt notch:  4th/5th notch in

Food	Carbs (g)	Fat (g)	Calories	Protein
Scrambled eggs	trace	15.2	206
Roasted chicken leg	0.6	17.7	295	32.4
Santini Salad	5.9	11.1	125	2
Edam cheese (50 g)	0.1	11.9	159	12.9
Pork leg (with crackling!)	0	11	370	38
Baby sprouts	3.3	1.1	34	2.8
Red wine	3	0	125	0