Day 30

I suck at dating.  Its hard to pinpoint exactly what I suck at because I think I suck at everything in the dating process.  I suck at meeting people.  I suck at flirting.  I suck at signaling interest.  I suck at finding a guy which whom I have chemistry.  I suck at letting people in.  I suck at displaying my affection.  I suck at being sexy.  Its no wonder I’m still single.  

Let’s talk about the aspect of dating that I’ve found the most frustrating:  chemistry.  A while ago I tried Internet dating.  I signed up for eHarmony and started chatting with my matches online.  Amazingly, some of these conversations actually led to real-life dates!  Alas, I never got past two dates with any of them.  They were all nice enough guys, and in theory we were compatible because eHarmony told us so.  All of the first dates went well enough to lead to a second.  But after we got all the nervousness and polite discussions of our backgrounds out of the way it became clear that all these men felt less like a boyfriend and more like a brother.  

So, then I tried meeting people out.  You know, friends of friends, guys in bars, etc.  The only problem is that I’m not good at this.  The only time I seem to pull a guy is when I’m fairly drunk.  This leads to me making out with him and possibly giving him my number.  The odds aren’t good that we’re ever going to go on an actual date.  Recently there was one guy I met in this fashion that I did date, but sadly the drunk kissing was better than the not-drunk kissing, and I just couldn’t get excited about him.  

I guess I’m looking for something in the kiss.  Some spark that pulls me out of my indifference.  I know I’ve felt it before.  Unfortunately, I mostly feel it with assholes.  I can definitely be self-destructive when it comes to being attracted to guys--my “type” is emotionally unavailable and commitment phobic.  

My flatmate sent me this funny link about why men and women can’t be friends.  It breaks down what the author thinks determines attraction and so forth.  If you’re looking for something to read so you can procrastinate on whatever you’re supposed to be doing... enjoy!    http://www.laddertheory.com

Mood:  Still sore!
Jeans:  Fat jeans
Belt notch:  4th notch in

Food	Carbs (g)	Fat (g)	Calories	Protein
Scrambled eggs	trace	15.2	206
M&S large salad	7.6	1	70	3.4
Bresaola	0.4	5.6	146.3	23.3
Prosciutto	0.0	12	196	22.4
Billtong	0.0	?	155	?
Pork	0.0	11	370	38
Spinach	3.0	0.8	29	2.5
Asparagus tips	2	0.6	25	2.9